2012, you've been good to me

Since this year is almost over, it would probably be fitting to write a "Best Memories from 2012," "Regrets from 2012," or "Goals for 2013" list, right? I have always liked to be different and I try to stay away from cliches so instead of doing one of those lists, I chose something different. As I was making the long 8 hour drive back to TN, I looked back on what made my year so great and I realized it was the unexpected moments, relationships, friendships, and dreams that made 2012 such a fantastic year. Drumroll please......

The Top 5 Most Unexpected Things 

Sounds simple and slightly dumb, but here we go...

1. Katie Wood.  

Last January, I went to the Passion conference with Northstar Church and it was a definitely a defining moment for 2012. On the bus ride to Atlanta, I happened to sit behind the one and only, Katie Wood. My first impression was that she asked a lot of questions and had lived in a million different places.  We became fast friends and later that semester, she ended up leading a group of freshman girls with me. She encouraged me, taught me how to love well and while I worked at camp (more of that later) she poured into me more than anyone else. She has been such a blessing to me and even though we don't see each other or talk as much, when we do, I am always thankful for that bus ride to Passion. 

2. The Circle of Caleb 

It sounds weird and it probably is. Caleb Thurman was a unexpected blessing this year. We went from being great friends to dating and finally back to great friends. Yeah, it's weird. It doesn't happen, ever, but we somehow made it work. I never would have thought that I would have dated someone for months, only for it to end with us being even closer as friends. However, I am extremely thankful for it. Thank you Caleb for adding to my unexpected adventures this year...here's to many more in our friendship. 

3. Krazy, Kanakuk Kamp

I wanted to work there so badly. Then, one day I got the phone call: We would like to offer you the job. The adventure began. 6 weeks in Lampe, MO, where I knew a total of ZERO people. Kanakuk Kamps...a place filled with joy and Jesus, laughter and love. I have never grown so much in my faith, or as a person. I also gained a close friend in my co-counselor, Diana Barns. I have never trusted anyone as fast as I trusted her. I miss her. I miss singing with her while our girls were getting ready, and causing everyone in our cabin to think we were crazy. Even though we don't see each other or talk everyday like we did this summer, the time I do get to talk to her is such a blessing. I never thought that in the small town of Lampe, MO, so many memories would be made, so much joy would be found and such great friendships would be built. 

4. Unique, New York 

Rach: "Someday, I really want to go to New York during Christmas time"

TJ: "Why don't we?"

And that began the adventure of Christmas break 2012. A trip to New York. I never in a million, billion, trillion years would have believed you if you told me that this was going to happen, especially with the people I went with. I met TJ Earl for the first time in August, and apparently, according to him, I did not make a very memorable first impression. I also first met Lizzy in August. Alex and Kristi also joined this adventure. These 4 folks and I drove to New York and spent 2 days taking in the sights. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. Our friendships grew tremendously. We laughed until we cried (literally...Lizzy). There was not a single argument. We built a stronger trust with each other. I didn't expect such a spontaneous trip to make such an impact on me, but I am thankful it did. 

Last, but most definitely not least...

5. Grace

Rach: "Spice, I really want to learn about grace this year."

Sarah: "Me too! Let's do it"

We had this conversation a year ago almost exactly. Last year at Passion, on the first night in Atlanta, outside our hotel room, this is what we talked about. Grace. My life has never been the same. Sarah and I went though so much last spring, (and this summer, and this fall, and probably still now) struggling through our mess, climbing out of pits, accepting grace, realizing the depth of grace, learning to show grace to other, as well as to ourselves. I didn't think that the one comment I made to Sarah could literally change the course of my life. I started off this year simply wanting to learn about grace, and I am ending it by trying to live in it.

December 2011, I remember sitting with Sarah, discussing our goals or dreams for 2012. I could probably find that list if I really wanted to. I know that nothing on that list was on this 'unexpected' list. This list of unexpected things far exceeds anything I could have imagined. I am apart of such a great story, written by the most beautiful storyteller, and I want nothing more than to rest in His presence and enjoy where I am, knowing that whatever is happening, expected or unexpected, is just another chapter, another page, of the great story. 

Most of the time, our greatest joy comes from the unexpected.

Wherever you are, be all there. 

Jesus, I can't wait to see what 2013 has is store.

Christmas from the Apelts

This Christmas, I had the privilege of writing the Apelt family Christmas letter. I thought I would share.


Go Army, beat Navy, Bow-wow Bulldogs, Go Vols, O-H-I-O, and Merry Christmas.

We rang in 2012 the right way by surrounding ourselves with friends and family, laughter and good food and from there, 2012 only got better.

One of the first major events of the year was Jacob Benjamin Apelt's high school graduation. My little brother is growing up. He now attends Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama where he pretty much runs the school. He is a part of the freshman forum (a student government association for freshman), the freshman representative council, multiple intramural teams and he helped re-start the "Red Sea," which is the rowdy section during football games. One of his biggest dreams is to become Moses, the 'head rowdy' who happens to be in charge of parting the rowdy section..."The Red Sea." He is a Business Management major currently still indecisive on what exactly he wants to do.

Dad (Doug) normally is a man of routine, but that definitely was not the case this year. He has started a new job and the Apelts will be moving in the next month or so to Memphis! (The Apelts moving...big surprise, I know.) He went from making people hot and cold working at Trane to taking people up and down, making elevators at ThyssenKrupp, in Memphis, running operations for the United States. He has been there only a few weeks, but he thoroughly enjoys it and excited about the upcoming move. And as always, Dad loves the months of August through December, cheering on his favorite football teams or really anyone that plays Michigan.

Mom (Lisa) is highly anticipating the move as well but in the meantime, she continues to do a excellent job at caring for all of us, making sure that we are happy and healthy. She did not return to teaching preschool since she was unsure when we would be officially moving. She has made a graceful transition from bustling household to empty nester with Dad. They are adjusting and making many trips to Birmingham and Knoxville to visit Jake and I.

As for myself, I am now a junior at the University of Tennessee. (Where did the time go?)  I am an English major, minoring in Secondary Education. My dream: to be a Freshman English teacher. I have been traveling a lot this semester going to football games or just for fun; Atlanta, Athens, GA, Nashville, Paris, TN and the most recent, New York City for a Christmas weekend away with friends. I am still leading a group of sophomore girls at my church in Knoxville and they bring so much joy to my life. Overall, I am still enjoying the college life.

As I am writing this letter, an impromptu trip to visit Mickey Mouse in Disney is being planned.  We are leaving on December 21 and will be returning on Christmas Eve. It will definitely end up being a highlight of this year.

We want to wish you all a very merry Christmas, reminding you to remember the gift of love that God sent down in His son Jesus on Christmas Day. Keep Him in your hearts during this season and everyday this year.

With grace and love,

Rachel

...enough is enough...

Enough: Adv.: as much as necessary; Adj.: sufficient for the purpose; Noun: an adequate quantity

"You are a solid B+ writer, which is great! I gave you an 88, I am a tough grader...be proud of that! It is extremely difficult to become an A writer. You are good! You just need that edge, that little 'umph.'" 

You are good, just not good enough. 

When talking to some friends last night they told me that the only thing men want to hear is "Good job." I then began thinking about the only thing that women want to hear.  They came up with a lot of good answers:

I love you.

You are beautiful. 

May I help you? (This one was a little weird to me, but whatever)

You mean the world to me. 

I cherish you.

....

I told them that even though these are great things to say to women, in my mind, the only thing they really want to hear is: 

You are enough. 

A lot of us work so hard to be enough...

Smart enough. 

Skinny enough. 

Athletic enough. 

Intentional enough. 

Funny enough. 

Kind enough. 

Graceful enough. 

Pretty enough. 

Good enough. 

...when we need to remember that in God's eyes,  we are enough. 

Stop working so hard. Remember Jesus. Grace. Love. 

You are enough. 

#TFLMA

Sarah Spiceland and I have grown so much closer in the past year. Yeah we fight, argue, get frustrated, forget grace, don't love each other well, misinterpret, and occasionally yell, but we work through it. Through all of this mess, one of our favorite phrases has become "Thanks for loving me anyways." ( I realize that we sound like we are dating right now...get over it.)

I get a text from her the other day that said #TFLMA. (Because it's cool to hashtag everything.) Thanks for loving me anyways. She meant it in a joking matter, kinda sarcastically, because we were talking about our ridiculously obnoxious friendship but I, for some reason, literally had tears well up in my eyes.

Thanks.

For.

Loving.

Me.

Anyways.

That simple statement holds a lot of depth. We have said it to each other for a long time but for some reason, that ordinary day, it gave me a new perspective.

When I say that to Sarah, I am saying:

I am messed up.
I am not a perfect friend.
I sometimes hurt you.
I can often take you for granted.
I forget to love you well.
I don't always show you grace.
I get frustrated when I shouldn't.
I say things that I want to take back.

On and on and on...

But through all of that, Thank you, Sarah Spiceland, for loving me anyways. Because of all of that. Regardless of my mess. Thank you for being there and encouraging me.

When she said "Thanks for loving me anyways," I immediately thought, OF COURSE. Yes. I am going to love you. With all of your messiness, craziness, whatever. I will love you anyways.

Can't help but think about how the Lord looks down on us and thinks the same thing. "Yes, I will love you even though you are messed up. I love you now, and I will love you always."

Grace. So incredibly thankful for it. 

Father, thanks for loving me anyways.

Remember that.

#TFLMA

Changing Perspective

Today, on this beautiful day, I went running with a friend. We decided to run on some greenways that we don't normally run on to be able to see the leaves and all the fall colors. As I'm running, listening to the new T-Swift CD (GO BUY IT, it is so good), I notice that I am down looking at my feet, anticipating my next step, when the whole purpose of the run was to see all the different colors! All God's beauty. Why am I looking at my feet? I don't know.

So I look up.

I look at everything around me. The leaves, the river, the cars driving by. I admire God's creation, thanking him for these little blessings, I stand in awe of everything he has done for me and everything he has given me even though I do not deserve any of it.

After enjoying the scenery for maybe a minute, I look back down at my feet. I didn't even realize that I did it. It was habit. I am so used to looking at my feet, watching my next step, wondering if I am going to have enough energy and breath to even take that next step.

How many times do we do that in our lives? We look at our feet, at our current circumstances, forgetting that there is a bigger picture.

I know that I tend to forget a lot that I am apart of a greater story. Each experience I go through, good or bad, right or wrong, and every person I am friends with, or will become friends with, or briefly encounter, it is all apart of the bigger story.

I need to look up more often. I need to stop being concerned and consumed with my current circumstances and look up to enjoy the presence of the Lord, the bigger picture.

I asked my friend toward the end of our run if he looks at his feet when he runs. His response was, "I think I look at my feet. Sometimes I catch myself looking around but I think for the most part I look at my feet."

He said this and to him it didn't mean anything (He probably thought that was a dumb question to ask in the first place). But to me, he was spot on.

For the most part, we look at our feet. We feel the need to watch our feet take the next step. Sometimes, we catch ourselves remembering the greater story and we enjoy it for maybe a minute. Then, we go back to looking at our feet.

Y'all. Look up. Enjoy the leaves, the fall colors, the goodness of our great God.

Dear Me...

Dear attention seeking, overly obnoxious, teenage me,

(^that's me in the back, doing the typical peace sign face with my lovely braces. That is the best picture I could find of me back in the day)

I am writing you as a 20 year old, junior in college. I know it has only been a few years since I have been where you are, but there are still some valuable things that I would like to tell you.

Your life is not in "shambles" (as my lovely roommate Emily would say) just because you moved to TN. I know you don't like the color orange, you hate the University of Tennessee, you refuse to say "Go Vols" and you are determined to get out of this state as fast as possible, but all of that will change. MAJORLY. So just go ahead and embrace the fact that you moved to TN. Don't be bitter. Don't get mad at God like you will. It's not worth it and it actually hurts you in the long run. Here's a preview of your life to come...you end up liking orange, A LOT. (These guys end up being some of your closest friends too, but you can find out more about them in a few years.)

E N J O Y where you are. Stop wishing time away. In 8th grade, you will make a comment to Mom and say, "I wish I could just skip high school and go straight to college." Don't say it. Don't even think it. Once you finally reach high school, it will fly by. You will be a nervous freshman, and then you will blink and you will be walking, with confidence, across the stage receiving your diploma. So in every circumstance, every struggle, every heartache, every joyful moment, every laugh, enjoy it, please. You will never get those moments back.

You are not the center of the world, as you currently think you are. You don't matter and I wish you could understand this. Right now, you are surrounded by people that don't know Jesus. They don't know what love looks like. AND YOU COULD SHOW IT TO THEM! You could tell them! But you come up with every excuse not to. You are only thinking about yourself. And I am a little mad at you for that reason. It is so easy to ask someone to church or tell them about Jesus or encourage them, but you choose to be afraid of ruining your reputation. You don't do anything about it! Hey Rach, STOP talking, and START walking. Do something. Stop just being a "good girl" and start changing your school.

Lastly, cheer your little heart out. You love to cheer. You work really hard at it and your dream is to cheer in college. Pursue that dream. It may or may not happen, I won't spoil that for you, but give it 100%. And again, enjoy every second of it because one day you will miss it so much that your heart hurts. So run that extra mile even when you want to throw up, stick EVERY landing, and don't be afraid to try something new.

Also, when your hair is really long and it is getting hard to handle, don't cut it.

Start building a friendship with your brother, he needs you and you need him. 

Stop worrying about boys! None of the ones that you like right now are going to be your future spouse (that I know of anyway) so stop. You have plenty of time before you should even be thinking about marriage. 

Stop gossipping. Learn to love. 

Let Jesus fill you up. I know you say that He is on your throne, but He isn't, you are. Don't let the things of this world become idols, it will take a lot of brokenness and hurt to fix that. 

Be thankful. 

Learn grace. 

Run with endurance. 

With much love, 

Grace loving, Jesus seeking, slightly still obnoxious, 20 year old me. 

Joy Filled Faces

Kamp life is hard. It is so frustrating to have middle schoolers asking you 5 million question in a span of 2 minutes. You never get a good night's sleep. Not sweating is not a possibility. You never really feel clean. The drinking water takes a little while to get used to...it has a distinct lake taste. I am constantly on my feet. I have to be happy and excited all the time even when I don't feel like it. There is a ton of tedious paperwork. Waking up in the morning is difficult. You have to constantly be thinking of ways to pour into your girls and teach them more about Jesus. Sometimes, I just want to hear my family's voices...just for a minute. I want to hug my best friends. I want to sit and watch a movie. It is a hard job.

But there is so much joy, that these difficulties don't seem like difficulties at all.  

Everyone is there for the same reason...to glorify our great God. Each camper wants to learn more about Christ and grow in their relationship with him. And each counselor wants to help campers achieve that. 

A few days ago, we had Man Day/Girl Day. Basically this is when girls get to act like girls all day long by painting each other's nails, having a cake decorating contest and doing what we do best...talking. Men do manly things...not sure on specifics since I am obviously not a man, but I have heard they break things, make fires, yell scream, etc. Girl Day is Disney Princess themed...THE BEST. It was by far my favorite day at camp. Dinner that night was a "Dinner Theater." The leadership team dressed up as Disney Princesses and put on a show. Cinderella was trying to find her prince and they incorporated as many Disney movies as possible into this skit. As I was watching the theater, Jasmine was dancing with Aladin and their faces were lit up. I then looked around and every girl's face in the dining hall was filled with a huge smile. It almost brought me to tears. There is so much joy in this place, the joy of the Lord, and it was incredible to see. 

The next day, my co-counselor and I took our cabin to the slip-n-slide as a surprise. As each girl flew down the slide, their faces were filled with such happiness. "That was SO FUN!" "I LOVE kamp!" Different statements were made from each girl. That is exactly what camp is about. Joy. Having such joy in the Lord and resting His presence. 

Yes, kamp is hard. But it is so rewarding that you tend to forget about everything you deal with on a daily basis. I have heard so many time from kampers, "I am so tired, I don't know how counselors do it." The joy of the Lord. That's how I do it. That is what I rely on. The joy of the Lord is my strength. We can't do it. We can do nothing apart from God. But because of His grace and love, we are all able to wake up in the morning and pour into these middle schoolers and teach them to be more like Jesus. 

Thank you Lord for giving me enough grace for each day to be able to wake up and appreciate a smile on a girl's face after going down the slip-n-slide, or singing High School Musical songs as loudly as possible with joy radiating from every person surrounding me. Thank you for loving me enough to send me to Kanakuk Kamps and experience Your goodness. 

Always Learning!

Well I made it! I got home yesterday from 2 weeks of staff training at Kanakuk Kamps! It was crazy, scary, exciting, lonely, encouraging, exhausting, and so much more. Here are a few things that I learned over the past 2 weeks:

1.  I am shy and I am ok with that. I am not the type of person to run up to a group of 8 people and immediately begin talking and feel comfortable chatting with them. Not me at ALL. I would rather quietly stand in the background and talk to one person. There were some girls at camp that came in not knowing anyone, just like me, but within the first 24 hours, they had 10 "close" friends because of their outgoing personality. My friendships from camp didn't become "close" until the last 3-4 days, which is totally fine. God made me to be shy when I am in unfamiliar situations. I accepted that this week.

2. Because of my introverted personality, I LOVE having time by myself. I never really realized this about myself until this week. We were so busy all the time, going from one thing to the next, never stopping. If we did have a break, it was usually for less than 10 minutes. After a week of so, we began having bigger breaks. During those breaks, everyone would be doing something...playing soccer, basketball, some kind of sport, laying out at the pool with friends, going on walks with people, or just doing something with someone. Me? All I wanted to do was be by myself. Not doing anything really, just laying on my bed, reading, listening to music, just something where I was by myself. It was delightful.

3. God is faithful. I have been constantly reminded of this throughout the entire semester but a lot these past 2 weeks. One year ago at this time, I was looking on the Kanakuk website and I thought to myself, "I would LOVE to work there, that would be so cool..." and look where I am. Thinking back on the interview process, the phone call telling me that I got the job, figuring out packing details, praying consistently about this crazy journey and finally getting on a plane to Missouri, IT IS CRAZY. He is so faithful. And I am so thankful.

4. I would much rather have some kind of chocolate instead of something fruity or sweet or sour. Just give me a peppermint patty, please.

5. I really appreciate a good glass of water since all we had at Kamp was lake water....gross.

6. I am so thankful for the people that God has placed in my life. Mom, Dad, Jake, all of my great friends from Knoxville, Clarksville, Ohio. Not being able to communicate with them reminded me how much they really mean to me, and how much I care about them.

With all of that being said, I can not wait to get back to Kamp in July. I can't wait to meet my kampers. (we spell everything with a K at Kanakuk) I can't wait to get to know them, share the Gospel with them, laugh with them, make s'mores with them, pray with them, teach them how to cheer, canoe, kayak, craft, blob, or any other fun thing we do at camp, and let them teach me as well. I am so excited. Thank you for your prayers throughout this crazy adventure that I have been on the past 2 weeks.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

How many times have you heard that phrase in your life? If you are like me, then way too many.

My best friend Emily, is living in Knoxville this summer. That seems like a small step, but she is getting out of her comfortable, Morristown, summer life. She has always spent summer in Morristown and now she is living and working in Knoxville. ALL summer. She is getting out of her comfort zone.

My roommate and other best friend, Katie (I talked about her 2ish posts ago) is leaving for Texas in 2 days. She is working at Carolina Creek Christian Camp ALL SUMMER. She is getting out of her comfort zone. She has worked a camp before, but she has never been away from Paris, Tennessee that long, with very little communication. She is getting out of her comfort zone.

Sarah Spiceland, my best friend of 4 years is leaving in 3 days and also going to Texas. She is working at Pine Cove Christian Camp for 6 weeks. She does not know a single person and she has never worked a camp and, like Katie, she also has very little communication. She is getting out of her comfort zone.

Emily, my roommate and great friend, is heading to Sweden RIGHT THIS SECOND.  Sweden. Are you kidding me?! She is going to tell people about Jesus while being in such a foreign country. She knows a few people, but she is not close to a lot of them. She is getting out of her comfort zone.

There are so many people that I could name that are getting out their comfort zone this summer. Even if it is the smallest change, it is still hard and scary.

In 5 days, I am packing my bags and flying to Missouri where I don't know a single person. I will be working at Kanakuk Kamps for 6 weeks. When I applied for this job and interviewed and got the call that I was in!...I was SO EXCITED. I was ready to leave. I wanted to ditch school and fly to Missouri and just wait for 2 months until camp started. That's how excited I was.

And then about 2 days ago, reality set in.

I am getting out of my comfort zone. It's so easy to be excited for other people getting out of their comfort zone, but when it comes to me getting out of mine, I don't like to think about it. I forget all the advice I give to people, all the verses that I have stored up in my head and I freak out. Why? Because I am an Apelt. We like to freak out.

I have no idea what I am doing. Flying to Missouri? I am 20 years old, in my mind, I am not old enough to get on a plane by myself. I am also not old enough to 'counsel' 12-16 year olds at camp. I still feel like a 12-16 year old myself. It is only by the grace of God that I will be able to do any of this in 5 days.

I know that I am going to learn so much. And be challenged, and be forced to get out of my comfort zone A LOT. Instead of being scared and freaking out, I am going to embrace that scary place outside of my comfort zone. I realize that I will grow more because I am getting out of my comfort zone. And I will be praying for my best friends as they get out of their comfort zone this summer.

So even if you have heard this 2 times, or 500 times, get out of your comfort zone. You won't regret it.

Jesus!

I am not made for this world. This is not my home.

For some reason, today is the day...an ordinary day...that I understand this.

After a long day of studying for exams, hearing of loss, saying goodbye to friends, being surrounded by conflict, heartache, hardship and struggle, I get it. I am not home, I am just passing through.

One of my favorite songs this year was "Where I Belong" by Building 429 (go listen to it NOW if you don't know it). The best line. in my opinion, says "Take this world, and give me Jesus." That is exactly how I felt tonight.

Saying goodbye is never fun, even if you know you are going to see that person in 2 days. It is hard! It feels like your friendship is going to be over, all of these doubts and lies come into you mind and it just hurts. It's one of the worst pains. Gosh. It hurts. Most of the time it hurts because of all the good times you had. You recall all the memories and that makes saying goodbye even harder...you never want to forget those memories. That's how it is for me at least. So after saying goodbye today along with being surrounded by so much hurt and hardship, all I wanted was Jesus. To rest in Jesus. To be still in His presence. To be quiet. To thank Him for being un-changing in this ever-changing world. All I wanted was Jesus.

And that is when it hit me, like a ton of bricks. This place is not my home.

My home is in the arms of my savior Jesus Christ. 

Procrastination and Katie Reimold

I should be writing a paper or studying like every other student but I am just not really focused right now. I watched an episode of Friends earlier....bad idea. I totally lost motivation. So during this time of re-focusing and procrastination, I started thinking about my roommate, and then I decided to blog about her, in a totally non-creepy way.

This is her...she just ran a FULL MARATHON 2 days ago. She is my hero.

On my way back to Knoxville yesterday, I started thinking about her and how cool she is and how blessed I am and really wanted to hang out with her. (She tends to get stressed about school and ditches me for studying! :)) We decided to just hang out at our apartment and chat, catch up on each other lives. Then we planned a shopping day for today...random errands. When I was driving around with her this morning, listening to Gungor's Beautiful Things, I was so thankful!! 

2 years ago, at this SAME TIME, I was freaking out about college. I was about to graduate and getting more and more anxious about leaving for a new city. At that time, I didn't have a roommate. I didn't even have a plan for finding a roommate. 

Over the summer, I messaged some girls on Facebook about possibly rooming together, trying to find someone with similar passions and interests. And then on one ordinary day, a friend of a friend told me about Katie. Katie was also going to UT and didn't have a roommate and was looking for one. "You guys would get along great!"is what she told me. So I found her on Facebook, stalked her (I had to make sure she wasn't crazy) and started messaging her and then we decided to live together! We met in person for the first time at the Target in Clarksville, where we color coordinated everything for our dorm room...we were THOSE girls. 

Anyways. We have lived together for almost 2 years now, and we are planning on being life-long roommates! Even when we get married, we have talked about living next door to one another. HAH! I even gave her the nickname "Ramrod" which is what she is known for now....she used to hate it, but I'm pretty sure she wants to tell her professors to call her that now because she is so in love with it. 

I am so thankful for her and her encouragement. God was so faithful throughout that entire process and I could not have asked for a better roommate. Yes, we get frustrated with one another every once in a while, but what friendship doesn't have struggles?! She keeps me going, pushes me to be better. Thank you, Katie, for being there for me, showing me the greatness of hammockin', teaching me patience, convincing me to run a half marathon, and pushing me in this crazy life. I pray that we will continue running the race of life together for many years to come. 

P.S. I think this picture describes our friendship perfectly...I'm weird, and I bring out the weirdness in Katie, Ramrod, Rams, Runner-girl, "List-lover"

Just a few thoughts for the day...

1) Jesus is on his throne. 

I think that we all sometimes forget this. I have had this idea of my life being a book stuck in my head for the past few days. I have heard that so many times, but it hit home the past few weeks. My life is part of such a bigger story but I am constantly thinking about one individual page. I think of hardships, struggles, blessings, moments, and feel like my world is falling apart or that my world is perfect and it is never going to fall apart. I tend to forget that I am looking at ONE page of my story. Throughout my book, my story, the plot is going to change, there are going to be different characters coming and going, there are going to be ups and downs. Through all of that though, Jesus is on his throne. He doesn't see individual pages, he sees the entire story...who I am going to become, how different characters are going to affect me, where I am going, what I am going to be doing, on and on. He is on his throne. He knows. All I can do is trust. He knows what he is doing and how the individual page that I tend to solely look at is apart of such a greater, more beautiful story than I could ever imagine. 

2) The most extraordinary moments happen on the most ordinary days. 

Think about that for a second. Think about every GREAT moment that you have ever had, or every terrible, moment you have had when you feel like the world is crashing down all around you. Did those moments happen on some incredible day that was planned, or did they happen on an ordinary day? Yes, some extraordinary moments can happen on extraordinary days, but for the most part, they happen on ordinary days. 

I remember, very specifically, the day I found out I was moving to Tennessee. It was such a beautiful day. I remember being so happy that day, having no worries in the world as a little 7th grader, an ordinary day. And then Mom and Dad call Jake and I into the kitchen for a family meeting, which were not uncommon in the Apelt house. In one moment, my life changed, we were moving. At that moment, in my little 7th grade mind, I was looking at one page of my life and I thought the world was going to end. I could not imagine the bigger picture. But looking back, that moment on that ordinary day turned out to be extraordinary. I moved to TN, found the greatest friends I could ever ask for, grew so much closer to Jesus, ended up at a school I never would have attended, and found out what I want to do with my life all from that one extraordinary moment on what seemed like an ordinary day! 

3) Laughter is good for the soul. 

I feel like that is pretty self explanatory, but just to clarify, get some of your closest friends together and have fun. Laugh until you cry or until your stomach hurts. It is probably one of my favorite feelings in the world. 

 

This is my favorite "laughing" picture. It was not planned at all. This is simple, pure, laughter. Yes, it is like 3 years old, but I remember being upset about something on this day. I don't remember what I was upset about. And then I started laughing. It was freeing and GOOD FOR THE SOUL. So I dare you to try it, laugh more. Stop stressing about school or grades or the future or the unknown and take a second out of your day to laugh! 

Positive thinking is such a hard thing to do for someone who has lived her whole life on negative thinking.

I lived my entire life wondering when my parents were going to sit my down and tell me that we were moving, again. Packing up everything, leaving my friends, my church, my school, my comfortable life and moving to a new city with new faces, new adjustments. I never got too attached to any city that I lived in because I knew that eventually, we were going to move.

Negative thinking.

Recently, I have been "renewing my mind." Learning about grace and learning about positive thinking. There are so many things I am scared about. Instead of looking at them and thinking about the positive that can come from these unfortunate circumstances, my default is to think negatively. Because that is all I have known. My whole life has been a cycle of negative thinking.

I have been letting this negative "energy" take over me without me knowing it. Sure, some days are better than others and I can breathe deep and remember that the Lord has a plan for all of my fears, but some days I get so frustrated and anxious because I start thinking negatively. I think that I have been so caught up in that old way of thinking, that old wineskin, that I haven't even thought about trying to think positively. So on Friday, I felt claustrophobic. I felt trapped in Knoxville. I needed to get out. I thought about hammocking with some friends. Nope. Going to the park. Nope. Reading a good book and getting lost in it. Nope. Nothing sounded good, because I was still going to be in Knoxville. In the city where I just couldn't breathe.

So I left.

I packed up and went home. And as soon as I was in my mom's arms, I could breathe. There was no more pressure to hold it all together. There was no expectations that were put on me. I was just home with my family, out of Knoxville.

After crying and explaining to my mom why I came home randomly, and how I was scared about 5 million different things, she said so simply, "Why don't you think positively?" She took all the things I was scared of and turned them into positive things. When she said them in a positive way, it make so much sense and made me excited! But, because of my old ways, my old wineskins, I could only see the negative.

Positive thinking seems like such an easy concept. People, me even, say all the time "Think positively!" but if it is so apart of your life to think negatively, then thinking positively does not come naturally or easily.

I am learning to change my ways. Make new wineskins.

Matthew 9:16-17
"Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved."

Blogs

Blogging has always kinda intimidated me. I LOVE reading them, but writing them freaks me out. I have always liked the idea of blogging...sharing what I am thinking or things I am interested in at the time but I have never started writing. I just designed everything, actually Sarah Spiceland did that, and never wrote anything.

Recently, I found a blog that I like. This girl decided to blog 500 times and each blog was in the form of a letter. She wrote to whoever or whatever she was thinking that day. One of my favorite ones was "Dear Time..." where she talked about wanting more time and realizing that there is not enough time in the day to accomplish everything that you want to accomplish. After reading multiple letters, WAY more than I needed to, I decided to find my designed, but never written in blog and possibly start blogging.

So I guess all of this is a way to say that I am going to start blogging.